my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
