He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
we should paint friendship bongs
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