Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
