I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
