I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
