Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
