i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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