So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
