yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
