how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
