Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
