I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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