Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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