i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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