so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Randomize
