i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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