im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
