I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
