those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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