he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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