apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
