So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
