last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
