You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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