i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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