Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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