So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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