She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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