I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
FUCK WHALES
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
