Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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