Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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