never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
