Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
