Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
