If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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