Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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