Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize