I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
