Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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