i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
