I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
