In the future we'll all be gay
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
