This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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