your thong is hanging out like whoa
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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