I won't be sarcastic... just naked
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
