We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
