I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
