Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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