How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
