I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
So many bounce houses so little time
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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