I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
