I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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