IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
