Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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