She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
third nipple confirmed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
