He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
