i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize