forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
