It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
