if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
