I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
