let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize