Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
