Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
