I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
