Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
