You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
